Dear William,

Do you remember a couple of weeks ago? I set off to shoot a suit in the City. What a palava, and don't people take themselves seriously these days? 

I asked the poor chap to smile, and was told by the hovering PR: 

"Our directors don't smile in photographs". 

'Why ever not?' I asked. 

"In case the press put a smiling photo next to bad news" he replied.

'What photo will they put next to good news then?' I asked. 

Silence reigned.

Lighten up chaps. Bailey once said he didn't take himself too seriously but took the work seriously. Bravo! I agree.

I dare say Bill that you've had your fair share of ludicrous demands made upon you. Must be the photographers lot. One short plump film director ordered my camera higher, he didn't like a camera to be lower than his chest. At the same time, he put a recording device in his cinema to record our conversation in there. Really! 

I love the Nigel Parry story when he asked actor Tommy Lee Jones to smile Lee Jones replied; 

"There ain't nothing funny to laugh about round here son" or words to that effect. What a cracker of a line.

Mike Leigh refused to look anywhere but at the camera, but still managed to engage endearingly. He said it looked pretentious to look away from the lens. Funny how Directors are uncomfortable with being directed themselves. 

Must dash, am off to shoot another 'suit'. Her press office have requested that I and my assistant dress and address the subject accordingly, because they are a VIP. I'm sure I don't have to dress the subject, and I'm even more sure with four prime ministers, a few members of the Royal family, and one God under my belt, I know how to address someone.

And no, you won't have heard of the subject.

I'm off to practice my curtsy. Do you cross the right leg over the left of the other way round?